coketalk:

Relevant.

kelltherocketscientist:

Starfruit:

Update on the starfruit plants! Went to Home Depot and got alot of containers. Amy’s friend Sarah gave us several cherry tomato and basil plants that we needed containers for. Fuckin sweet. So we ended up getting a container for the starfruit as well. Not really sure how well they are going to adapt to the outside greenhouse life, but I wish them the best. We kept some of the soda bottles over the top of most of them, in case they dont adapt well to a non-humid habitat. One brave new plant is going without the bottle, we shall see how well he does. 

We still have half of our starfruit plants on the windowsill, so they will be here if these guys parish in an afternoon of Stockton sun.

Also worthy of note, planted the mango sprout in soil. The leaves are super fragile and maaayy have tore one slightly on transporting it to my place.

Also at homedepot, we got some other random fun plants to see if we could grow. 

So, total plant count in the greenhouse at the moment:

5 avocado trees

1 mango tree sprouts

6 Starfruit tree sprouts

9 Cherry tomato plants (From Sarah)

3 Basil plants (From Sarah)

1 Sweet yellow pepper plant (Home depot)

4 Strawberry plants (Home Depot)

Things upcoming: 

Garlic 

Hawaiian Orchid, curtisy of Patrick and his recent trip to Hawaii

me: I think I may be pmsing….

k: WHAT ALREADY.  DIDN’T WE JUST GO THROUGH THAT…

so excited to see kellen tomorrow :)

GAHHHH

!!!!

lols, we’d never survive long-distance.  Haven’t seen each other for five days and I’m still super stoked to see him again.

all faults are inherent.  even the faults of personalities bubble down to mere genetics and the firing of neurons.  studying biology related subjects has made me realize that we are just the summation of our internal states, which may change at any point.

I should not be so angry at others or hold them to the standards I have improvised.  we are all just people acting out our genetic/epigenetic compulsions.

30 Days of The Ponds | Day 22 Whatever Tickles Your Fancy - Moments when Amy fell in love with Rory all over again

“The worst part was deciding to keep going.”

but this is what tenshi did for me :)

Because being with you is like being home.  You just know it’s where you belong and where you have to come back to and where you feel safe and happy and loved.  and sometimes without thinking, those times when you blank or you space out, you just drive there or walk there out of habit.  Because its where I want to be, next to you, without having to think about it.

didn’t write it down so its a little fuzzy now….but…

dreamed I was at a dinner party for church people at a convention center.  Being my usual bored self, I began to wander around and went into the staircase where I found a little boy and two little girls covered in mud and wet and wearing rags.  They were holding knitting needles and proceeded to yell and poke me with them until I bled and yelled at them to stop.  They then calmed down and I told them that I could help them.

They said they were slaves from upstairs and they had escaped tonight.  We went downstairs to try to find a way out, but the basement of the stairwell was flooded.  I told them that they probably hadn’t discovered that the children were missing yet so that they should sneak back and I would get all the church people to come and help them. 

They listened to me…and went back upstairs.  I went down to find the dinner party and get their attention and when I did we all ran back into the stairwell, me first.

When I entered the stairwell, the little boy was huddled in the corner, cradling his knitting needle and the bodies of the two girls were at his side.  The two little girls had been beaten with maces and their bodies were bloodied and broken at his feet.  The boy then stood abruptly and began screaming at me in anger.  He screamed that I had betrayed them and that I deserved to die.  He ran at me with his knitting needle and I ran away, with him chasing.

Due to the fact that everything is meaningless, I have no motivation whatsoever to do anything in particular with my life. I keep myself busy by fulfilling my basic human needs of water, food, sleep, internet and weed. Outside of that, fuck all happens.

This has been made worse by learning vipassana meditation techniques. Now even my obsession with a cute stoner boy has dissolved and I am fucking bedridden with boredom. I’m not even miserable, I’m irritatingly equanimous. How can I stimulate some sort of desire to make a positive contribution to society and how do I figure out what type of contribution to make? Its really hard to make decisions when you see everything as equal measures of dark and light. I am literally just sitting here in a hotel with too much money, no responsibilities, and I am debilitatingly free. Are you looking for an assistant or know anyone that needs a blank slate to train as their slave?

By the way, I know I’m in a pretty fucking enviable situation right now, I’m not complaining. Just looking for direction.

You don’t need direction. Direction is just a path. You need purpose. Purpose is the engine that propels you down that path, and without it, you are adrift.

Of course, finding purpose is easier said than done, especially for those of us who’ve embraced the meaninglessness of existence. The trick is to never forget that meaninglessness is not the same thing as emptiness, and right now, you are confusing the two.

You are paralyzed. Not physically, but spiritually. You are consumed with emptiness and self-negation because you are only fulfilling your basic needs. Water, food, sleep, internet, and weed are just the bottom rung of Maslow’s Hierarchy, and not for nothin’, but the internet and weed aren’t necessarily helping your situation.

You’re missing out a whole bunch of higher level stuff like love, belonging, esteem, and self-actualization. That’s why Vipassana is wasted on you right now. That’s why financial independence is wasted on you right now. Pretty much everything is wasted on you right now, because you are clinically depressed.

Yes, that’s right. You can call it irritatingly equanimous or debilitatingly free, but just because you’ve got some money and little Buddhism, that doesn’t mean you’re immune from your own neurochemistry.

I know you insist that you aren’t miserable, but that’s kind of the problem. Misery would at least be an emotion, and you’re totally fucking numb. One solution is to go see a shrink and let ‘em smack you upside the head with some psychopharmaceuticals. Feel free to try that. It might very well work, but you also need to get out there and find some purpose.

Here, I’ll make it easy for you:

1. Spend half an hour a day exercising. (Break a sweat.)
2. Spend half an hour a day grooming. (Take a shower.)
3. Spend a few hours a day volunteering. (Alleviate the suffering of others in some small way.)

That’s it. That’s all you have to do for now. Making a positive contribution to society doesn’t have to be a daunting task. Don’t worry about doing anything with your life, and don’t worry about any of it meaning anything.

Just do something with your day, and the rest will work itself out in time.

I didn’t write this.  But I want to remind myself that this is what I have to do….

Daniell Koepke (via touchpulp)